I’ve always loved the concept of exploration & play as a great activity (and for expending our kids’ evergrowing energy especially) so when the chungkin started to belly his way into mobility at 8 months, I welcomed indoor playgrounds with open arms.

As much as I enjoyed bonding over evening strolls in the outdoors with the little fella as part of our exploration, the very erratic & dreadful weather  often dampened our plans. Walking in the hot afternoons would often result in a cranky baby being exhausted from the heat and so I embraced the alternatives of sensory play in ‘safer’ spaces where I could let him explore on his own.

I loved how much ‘freedom’ and space I could give him at indoor playgrounds without needing to tower over him frantically as I would at home, keeping him away from edges of furniture, the kitchen, fan wires, drawers despite already child-proofing the home with safety gate, safety appliance covers, table cushion guards etc. Plus what a perfect play-date activity it often turned out to be, no needing to impose on anyone’s place or worry about our kids of different ages not being able to play together just yet.

So for my first sharing in Jus’s Friday Five, here’s 5 favourite play spaces that we’ve been to a little more frequent than the others.

1. Royce Kids Gym

By far the most expensive fee (admission fee gives you a limited duration) but also one of the cleanest, with the most extensive range of toys; Liam’s first indoor playground experience was here at 7+ months during his playdate with his older cousin Callum. The cousin suggested the venue as it was her 3-yo son’s favourite toys ground and mentioned that Liam would probably enjoy himself better at toy-land-galore as opposed to structural playgrounds which were more suited for older toddlers-kids.

The little fella was definitely every bit gleeful seeing a shelf full of toys which emitted both sounds AND lights. He didn’t fancy being on the swing as much but was happy to stay in front of the shelf of toys and play with a different one every 10-15 minutes. We went back another 2 times for playdates when he was about 11 & 12 months and he enjoyed it a lot more, being more mobile on his all-fours, managing some cruising in between.

I love that the shopping mall that Royce is located within is also fairly quiet as compared to the ones in the heart of Orchard Road, and that there’s a supermarket below for any last-minute groceries (you know how we’re always grocery shopping for the kids…) although I wished that there was a direct train access from the mall for the heavy public-transportation user that I am.

2. Amazonia

Also introduced by the cousin, my first time here was when I brought my nephew from Dubai on a playdate with the cousin’s son about 2 years ago. I loved how huge it was, and how there’s a cafe within the grounds (which means the adults can coffee+chat while the kiddos play). Although they cater for kids till 12 years old, I appreciate that there is a “baby area” which clearly states that it’s meant for kids from 0-3 years. During the little man’s first time there at 7+ months, he spent the whole duration (which was 20 minutes) on a giant beanbag starfish amusing himself by watching other toddlers roam around the area. We went back another 2 times for playdates when he was 10 & 12 months old and those times, he definitely enjoyed himself better.

The baby area is smaller than what Liam’s been used to at Royce. And recently he would crawl towards the bigger kids area, following majority of the kids who were running towards there. We went on the big slide a couple of times which is usually the highlight of those visits – sliding down on mama’s lap on a long slide. Whee.

It’s also pretty neat that you don’t have to pay entry fee if your child is below 1, considering that he/she won’t be able to do much with the structural play set-up. All you got to do is spend $10 at the cafe if your child’s under 1, and that is really easy to achieve considering the number of coffees & cakes you’ll be able to have in peace while your child is happily occupied. The bonus and lure of going there has definitely got to be the many cafes available, supermarket shopping within reach just before we head home, an well-stocked organic store for me to busybody to see if there’s any new food I would like to introduce to the little fella and retail therapy (I’m a sephora girl!)

3. Hokey Pokey 

The first time we went there to check out its grounds was at it’s new relocation – Millennia Walk. Liam had just turned 1 yr old, and he was so excited the moment we stepped into the place. To be honest I didn’t think it could compete with Royce in terms of space & having a huge variety of toys at first impressions. But HP quickly grew on me and even my mom enjoyed taking the little man there on her own for a play session recently. We’ve been there about 5 times now, thanks to the very convenient circle line train which gives me direct access from station to mall in 5 minutes (which means I can pram all the way from home to HP without hassle too!).

HP’s set-up may be cozy compared to toy grounds such as Royce but…I’ve observed that Liam really enjoys himself here. I like that per entry fee gives unlimited play, and that most of the area is within my radius of vision if I can’t keep up fast enough with my quick cruiser. Lately he’s been very into pretend play kitchen sets – he would always head there first and spend about 25-30 minutes tottering between the 5 different sets before checking out the ride-on toys one by one, with McQueen being his favourite, before destroying some train tracks on the train table, banging a few keys on the Schoenhut pianos before making his way to the mega stairs to slide down to his least favourite ballpit. I also appreciate that they have a staff that supervises the play area and so far during the off-peak hours on weekdays, she’s also been a fun play companion for Liam (he would flash his signature grin at her in agreement).

Do check out one of the many cafes available at Millenia Walk post-playtime too. My tummy always has a gastronomical tea-time treat whenever we’re in the vicinity.

4. The Polliwogs

Perhaps because Liam’s still considered relatively young in age and isn’t able to walk or climb independently, I didn’t think Liam would enjoy Polliwogs when the cousin suggested a playdate at the Robertson Quay branch. I was obviously proved wrong when the little guy’s face started to light up when we ventured to the baby/toddler section. There was this water/rainbow slide thingy which intrigued him so much he went up and down it so many times wearing a glee each time.

It was also here that I climbed up structures for the first time (who? me? yes!). I always wondered why parents were gamed to climb up these structures because I never was due to my fear of heights, but now I know why! We even cozied up in a little corner for a much needed break (yes, I panted. I’m that lousy.) in-between with the cousin & nephew. Turns out Liam has so much fun just crawling everywhere without me going “no!!!!!” and I really appreciated the complimentary cuppa coffee that came with the entry fee at the in-house cafeteria (hooray to a spacious cafeteria within the grounds!).

5. Fidgets

We’ve been to the newly renovated Fidgets once (as with Tickle Tickle, Singkids Vivo, Peek-a-boo!) and I really liked how spacious the place was (which also meant a lot of walking and moving around for me to burn off some cal). While the toddler area didn’t quite appeal to Liam as much as the bigger kids’ area, I liked how I didn’t have an issue of kids potentially bumping into each other because even with some 8 other kids there during our time of visit, every child kinda had their own personal space – Liam managed to cruise back and forth to his heart’s content. I also spied a craft section for kids there…interesting.

Strangely, I was so occupied checking out the place and playing with Liam (alongside chatting with my gf on pre-schools) that I didn’t even take a picture. Hah, perhaps the next time we’re there then. Psst: the lure of omakase burger and the newly opened pasarbella will probably get us back before we finish checking out other play spaces (have some in mind to make a visit to).

Linking up with

It was one of those evenings. Where motherhood was more trying.

The little boy threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t let him cruise around his pram in the train nor in the supermarket.

So I did what I thought best could pacify him. I held him closely in one hand, pushed the pram with the other while stopping to pick things that I needed from the various shelves in the supermarket intermittently. But that didn’t suffice. He wanted to do something which he had so much fun doing with papa just 2 days ago  He wanted to keep pushing the pram on his own till it hit a wall/someone/came to a halt. (Psst: the Bo apologized the moment I related the incident to him, knowing that he attributed to Liam wanting his way with the pram)

I completed ignored his plea & fuss of course. I just wanted to pay for the groceries quickly, hope to get a taxi despite the heavy downpour and get him home where he cruise himself silly.

And that’s when it became even more trying.

In between trying to grab my groceries with one hand from pram basket to counter and paying… the little fella started to cry, arch his back, kicked and pushed me away. “Tsk tsk”, I started to hear other people make sounds around me. I ignored those very unnecessary, judgmental sounds.

Then there was the long snaking taxi queue which put me in bigger misery. It was raining, I couldn’t get through the lines of the 3 taxi companies for a good 10 minutes, the chungkin was crying & screaming because I wouldn’t let him snatch the phone from me. Some folks tried to conveniently cut the queue thinking that the lady-with-a-pram-full-of-groceries-and-a-wailing-baby would be too busy to notice. But they were not worth my effort and depleting energy to manage with. My 9.6kg son was. Thank goodness some 12 minutes later of listening to music on loop, we finally got a taxi booking!

While on the journey home, I reflected on my actions. Perhaps I could have handled the situation better instead of ignoring Liam. Perhaps I shouldn’t have zoned out and focus on finishing my tasks and should have made an effort to soothe the wailing and whining that was probably irritating everyone else instead. I probably deserved those unforgiving looks. But hey, I did what was best for us both at that time. At 13 months, I don’t think the little fella would have any patience for one of those “learning to deal with frustrations” talk.

Ironically I used to be one of those people who wondered which parents could actually bring themselves to ignore their wailing kids. Till I became a parent myself. Managing kids’ tantrums are without a doubt difficult situations to be in. And what makes it more challenging is that it’s often unintentional because they don’t yet have the skills to express themselves in other desired ways hence the sudden outburst. Yet sometimes we lose our cool too quickly.

Definitely, there will be more tantrums coming my way as the boy grows up. During those moments of “why oh why!”, I hope to remind myself to: take a deep breathe, think happy stuff, nurture the positivity out of the situation and say OHMMMMMMMMM.But if all fails, at least I tried!

Meanwhile, what made my day today was seeing my little fella opening his eyes and putting his arms around me the moment I was home. He’s getting soooo good at tugging those heartstrings.

The weekend, oh sweet weekend!

This weekend was made special as we celebrated mom’s ever-28th birthday. Or so she claims to be celebrating every year whenever someone asks how many years young she is.

As always, I had mischief up my sleeves when it comes to birthdays. This year we caught her by surprise when a gorgeous table arrangement of her favourite tulips and a delicious birthday jelly cheesecake were delivered to her office at consecutive hours (she didn’t think I would know her new office address since I didn’t ask. But of course, BFF google was my go-to pal) to celebrate with her colleagues on birthday eve.

On her birthday, we celebrated over a hearty meal (we had super peking duck which was succcccculent!) as a family. And guess who took precedence over the birthday girl at the table this year?

{birthday grandmama insist on feeding the hungry little man despite my offer to feed so that she could enjoy her lunch in peace}

And guess who had the most fun entertaining himself throughout the celebratory meal?

{very amused with himself for cruising against the mirrored-wall}

Looking at the photos, sure looked like we celebrated the chungkin’s birthday instead. :D

{chungkin looking like the birthday boy here}

Happy Birthday Mom!

Wishing you another year of blessings as awesome as you are.

We love you so so so so so so so much.

I’ve realized that the reason my son has finally decided to move on from bellying like a snake to crawling on all 4s recently (hello milestone) is because he’s been tickled and motivated enough to be chasing after my wriggly toes.

So just when I thought I must have some really cute toes to boast about, I realized it was the pink glitter on it. He was practically all ready to frolic those nails (gross) when he finally got to them faster than I could do some acrobatic move and tuck them beneath my butt one day in the play yard and so in a desperate second and last attempt to avoid having those cute baby pink lips against those pink glittered toe nails, I chose to let him kiss his play mat instead. Young master chungkin wasn’t too happy as the wails ensued but toe nail vs. baby play mat, I think I made the wiser choice.

Now back to what I was really here to blog about for the future me to read back some day…

I think I might have fallen into the trap of over-parenting in the past month. So I’ve been told.

When the Bo & I first got together and talked about our ideals in a future family during one of our dates, I remember telling him how I wanted my (didn’t know if we were going to make babies together) future kids to “just have fun”.

When we had plans to start a family, I knew that I didn’t want to be the momzilla that most of the mommies I knew were starting to morph into – subconsciously or not.

And when we finally had our first bun in the oven, I was affirmed that I was just going to take it easy with the whole parenting thing. I was even “labelled” for being too relaxed, not placing our unnamed kid on any school’s wait list when he was at 6 months gestation or not even having a plan of sorts for the enrichment classes that we were going to enroll him for.

I guess all I wanted then was just a healthy, full termed baby to be born.

After my first 2 months as a new mom and surviving it, I gathered enough courage to take chungkin on his 1st play date. Yes, the moms were the one who needed the break of sanity more than the bubs but it certainly boost my confidence of being out with baby alone & it got easier, taking the baby out on subsequent play dates and even managing to have tea while at it. Through play dates, I had others commenting to me how chungkin had no qualms about being carried or  surrounded by other people. I guess by the tone and repetition of these comments, it was a good thing.

While I could do reading and exploration with the little man, socialization with other peers was something out of my reach. Soon the moms I had playdates with were starting to return back to the grind, and that’s when I started looking at little gyms.

I went for trials, not wanting to commit any packages since I wasn’t sure if chungkin would enjoy that and turns out he did, right from the 1st time we stepped into the gym. He was clearly fascinated by the colorful soft playground set-up, the puppets that were animated to life, the familiar tunes of children’s songs that were sung coupled with dance, a flying parachute full of colors and his favourite – bubbles. And as with most parents who smile when they see their babies smiles, we signed up for more classes. Through those classes, papa & grandma got to spend some quality time with the little man on the weekends so it was a win-win.

Soon a few moms on Facebook started to discuss about music class. Coming from a music background, I didn’t think much of what a then 7-month old could possibly get out of it (since we do some music activities with the little man at home too) till I attended a music trial with some moms. And golly, this teacher could sing. She sang like she was out of a Disney story and her accompanying animations just made the giggly little man sat up in anticipation for her next move all the time. We went for 2 trial music classes, both of which he had a great time but even then I couldn’t part with the additional cost since he was still in the gym class.

On chungkin’s 9th month, with one last gym class left, some free days to spare & a pursuit to expend that growing energy of his, I took him to a 3rd music trial class. I was sold. He was still as enthusiastic, if not more throughout the entire class. He even bellied the most he’s ever done around the class, and seemed to really enjoy being hands-on different musical instruments. The videos I caught of him in the act were amusing, and it definitely brought a huge grin to whoever I showed it too. Especially grandma who kept playing it on loop while on her way to work every day :p

In between, I still attend trial for other classes. Swim. Art. More gyms. More music. Some are free – yay. And some are outright disappointing. These days I can see from chungkin’s face if it was an instant yay or nay without needing to think up of a “maybe he’s just cranky today” excuse.

The wonderful moms on Facebook continue to open my (newbie mom) mind to more fun classes to do with the kids. I draw the line at trying anything too academic or committing to anything long term. The rest, I take it as an outing with the son if we’re up for it. Instead of heading to the zoo which I know he will soon appreciate in a matter of months, we’re in some colorful decorated class engaging in waddler-focused activities at nominal or no cost.

The same people that used to say how I am such a “slack and too relaxed” mom some 2-3 months ago now accuse me of over parenting. I can’t quite figure if it’s because I’m now unavailable most of the times unless we prearrange something of course, or I might have taken up their spot in the wait list.

Am I any different from the moms who don’t want their kids to “lose out” at the expense of possibly overstimulating ? Or am I still being the parent I want to be, letting the chungkin enjoy his babyhood filled only with activities he looks forward to participating in.

One thing I’m sure is that Liam & I are quite happy with the current arrangement. I get to spend a few hours out of the house, take a breather, grab that much lusted cup of caffeine and maybe cake to go along for days when I feel like a sugar rush. Little boy gets a good lunch nap before playing starts, interact with his little friends with pats that seem like smacks, chew on more variety of toys available, expend all that never-ending energy in the afternoons, come home to a wholesome dinner and therapeutic bubble bath …and end the day with a 12-hr sleep. Win-win.

We don’t fill every day of the week with activities, but on days when there are things to look forward to, we’re in high spirits.

Now, ain’t that the true joy of parenting & childhood?

The Bo and I ran out of choices to watch during DVD night yesterday when I realized that I hadn’t caught ‘I don’t know how she does it‘. I’ve been meaning to, when it showed in Cinemas in late 2011 but of course with the excitement that came along with our first pregnancy, everything ended up being sidelined. So when we watched it yesterday, I felt this movie couldn’t have been appreciated at a better time.

Watching how Kate aka SJP juggled between the whole work & family balance did make me miss working for a bit…and then maybe not. I joked to the Bo casually that if I had gone back to my ex-job I would probably be running around constantly with to-do lists in my head like the protagonist too…while he reminded me that it would also mean I would feel more gutted most of the time (knowing my nature) missing out on our little man’s ‘firsts’ and hearing it from someone else or worse, not having anyone capture those moments for me. He was right. I can be a bit of a mom-ster when it comes to witnessing little man’s firsts.

And while I secretly wish for to be a working mom again yet be there for the little man when he needs me, or when he does most of his “firsts’, I just wanted to tell all working moms out there – I’ve the utmost respect for you. I don’t know how you do it…but way to go! :)

My love relationship with the recent gloomy weather is starting to be a thing of the past. For the last 3 days, each time I’m all ready to bring me & the bub out for an afternoon walk (momma wants to get out and eat some cake!), we end up staying home all day accompanying the still-recovering Bo (which can get a tad boring since he’s in bed 98% of the time) thanks to dark skies and threatening thunder.

And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being homebound – instead we do other activities at the little man’s new play area – the cloudy weather coupled with the cool breeze that lingers in the air…does make it a lot more sleep inducing for me, which is such a terrible thing…falling asleep when I should be playing with my son.

{@ his new play area. momma here struggling not to fall asleep}

I lost my temper at my little fella yesterday and I felt so so so guilty immediately after. He was refusing not to sleep when it was bedtime in addition to rubbing his eye area which was slowly turning all red from exhaustion. In my anger, I restrained the little guy, told him to look into my eyes sternly and said 2 words that is fast becoming my most-used words these days: “STOP IT. STOP IT! STOP IT LIAM”. The Bo, worried that I may have used too much force in restraining quickly hobbled over and told me not to lose my cool. “Yeah, try taking care of him for the whole day first and see if you will lose your cool too”, I thought to myself.

Thankfully Liam managed to snap out of the whole fussing episode after my restrain (and wasn’t shocked or upset as his dad almost assumed). In fact, he managed a chuckle or two when he realized that I wasn’t going to force him to sleep when he wasn’t ready to. I let him kicked around in his cot for another 20 minutes, expending all the balance energy he had before he cooed for me to carry him, pop in the pacifier and was out cold in seconds. I was on a guilt trip for the rest of the evening, after the Bo’s comments. Why was it not okay for me to lose my temper but absolutely inevitable when he lost his over one feed (hmm…). I can’t wait for the bo to get well & return back to work soon. I need normalcy to resume in the household.

{“the calm after the storm” moment. All’s good with the little one after some disciplining action}

On milestones,  the bo is excited that Liam can reach & suck his toes now. He’s starting to be quite the firecracker too, especially when crying for attention from being left in the cot, but what amuses me is how he stops shouting the moment someone appears in front of him, manages a smile and listens on intently on what is being said. Awww.

The semi-flips & full circle rotations are still happening at will, making my heart skip a beat when I sometimes sneak a peek at him during the night. But hey, that’s all part & parcel of motherhood right?

{caught: a semi-flip from back to front in progress}

Okay, skies looking absolutely clear & sunny now. Gonna attempt getting some sun & fresh air. xo.

My little dude turned 4 months yesterday and boy has he gotten more capable at tugging mama’s heartstrings lately.

He can now manage a giggle, smile, frown, pout, dazed & confused look at will and it can get extremely annoying when he pulls the frown on me (esp. when I’m getting him to take a nap) ever so often but yet throws giggles and chuckles at our helper, mil, mom & basically anyone else who would be more than willing to play with him.

He’s such a sleeper. With noise, without noise. With light, without light. In the mall, in the cab, at church, at a friend’s etc. In whatever position. If he’s tired or due for a nap, he will sleep (although there may be some resistance prior). With the exception of toddlers continuously screaming near his ears of course, which actually happened at church one day for 3/4 of the duration. And their parents were just oblivious…

He’s quite the swimmer, often drawing glances from parents, passer-bys (it does get to me at times that the pools are positioned such that he’s display to all) & the staff as he multitasks a laugh, funny face,  kicks and splashes all at the same time. He’s recently had his 7th swim session where he kicked and splashed and waddled from end to end for 40 minutes (to our advantage because he slept through the entire wedding dinner we had to attend later that evening :p). And by the looks of it, he’ll be ready for the big adult pool anytime soon…which means that one of us will have to be down with him when that happens in about a month’s and no more staying dry while little man splashes on his own.

{backstroke}

He loves to walk/stomp/jump on my lap. And that led us to purchase the jumperoo at a steal from the recent Fisherprice warehouse sale. He was a little uncertain about what to do when he first sat in it but after he figured that lifting his toes off the base would lead to some bouncing action…he was quite the little roo.

{fascinated}

He’s darn good at staring…blankly. There are moments when he’ll scare me silly with his frozen-in-time ala chameleon stunt for a long few seconds before suddenly just snapping out of it with a blink. Thankfully that usually happens when he’s tired and am about to sleep.

Recently he’s been attempting flipping from tummy to back and vice versa to no success, with  his chubby arse often being the hindrance. But no complains about the chubbs since that’s the only thing that keeps people from interfering with my parenting, assumption that fat = well-fed. LOL. It could well be in the genes… mama’s fatty genes that is.

And we finally have our 3rd family pix! :)

And the latest progress report is that Liam keeps outdoing himself nap by nap, day after day!

This little champ seems to be taking the lead in impressing mama with the parent-led routine.

Fingers crossed, this is going to last…. :)

{@ 42 days old}

{milk..good. mama annoying me…bad}

{who needs the cot when you have mama’s warm arms}

My little man decided to surprise me the day after he turned 1 month old.

Suddenly from an almost-predictable routine of feeding & sleeping in the first month came a combination of all sorts. There would be a night when he would wake up almost every other hour and refuse to settle quickly, and then a day when all he did was sleep regardless of all tactics or efforts to wake him (which led the night waking).

It was a vicious cycle, and one that my energy couldn’t keep up with. There were mornings I would wake up feeling all irritable from the lack of sleep and then guilty that I had indirectly unleashed these frustrations on Liam by not being able to be a good sport when it came to play time.

And while I definitely improved in parenting duties such as reading Liam’s sleep & feed cues better, differentiating his frets between a feed (“neh”) and a burp (“eh”) (as picked up from Dunstan Baby Language), along with getting him to enjoy bath time, diaper changing and entertaining the little man; I wanted more. I wanted to work towards a one feed/night vs. the 2 feeds or more/night I was currently doing. I yearned for my little one to sleep through most of the night. I wanted him to be a contented little baby in every aspect.

I’ve always known that I wanted to do a parent-led parenting as much as possible after seeing how contented my nephew was during his eat/sleep/play, when my cousin executed this style of parenting 2 years & counting, in her bid to regain back her sanity after her confinement lady left & husband resumed back to work full time. Left alone to manage her then newborn and diving in and out of mild postpartum depression, she needed a system amidst all the chaos.

To cut the long story short, she got desperate at a point till she was barely sleeping 2 hours in an entire day. And that’s when she decided to seek help in the books and discovered parent-led parenting. She wasn’t alone in this as another relative of mine adopted this style when she had to manage her newborn alone as well.

The outcome of both were extremely positive & encouraging. Eventually I was witnessing both couples enjoying their evenings relaxing and catching up over dinners properly, having personal me-time & their kids enjoying their play time without being overtired etc.

And so I jumped on the bandwagon. Except that I might have been too ambitious when I tried to implement it during Liam’s first week; amidst managing my own hormones, breastfeeding challenges etc. :\ What was I thinking?!

And while I’ve been blessed with Liam falling into his natural rhythm of a routine in the first 3 weeks because he was basically eating-sleeping a lot, which meant that I could consistently anticipate his next feed & wake… and put him into the naps he was supposed to be taking without fuss (and feeling like a peacock that I was able to establish something so quickly), this system soon failed miserably in his 4th week.

The little man was becoming more awake & aware to his surroundings, and was becoming less of the sleepy baby he used to be. I had to be careful in managing his day time sleep and awake time, because it was becoming apparent that he was confusing day & night when he started becoming more alert for 2 nights in a row. And it all started because I let him oversleep by 30 minutes for each nap, thinking it wasn’t going to make much of a difference.

Oh how wrong I was!

Thankfully I had the cousin to turn to and get by-the-hour advice & encouragement. Apparently going through these initial frustrations to achieve the final outcome was a common rite of passage. She even showed me her “reference book” to assure me that I was doing way better than she was then with my nephew at the same age. And slowly day by day, nap by nap, I worked on achieving one constant every few days.

The first I did was to ensure that Liam would wake and sleep at about the same time everyday. Not being an early bird, I had quite the struggle trying to get myself & him up at 730am every morning. But despite that, Liam managed to fit into the routine for the rest of the day though, what a champ! :)

I was finally getting to somewhere in the beginning of the 5th week when the husband asked if I wanted to go out with him for a bit over the weekend. He suggested leaving Liam in my mil’s care since it was only going to be a few hours. Well, turns out I shouldn’t have gone out and should have stuck to the routine myself because later that afternoon, instead of playing with him, she coaxed him to sleep through the entire afternoon citing she wasn’t good at playing with him.

I was annoyed, and the Bo thought I overreacted. Not thinking much of the knock-on effect, he volunteered to help out with the night feed since it was the weekend…only to give up at 2am in the morning because he lost his cool at the little man’s refusal to sleep (I volunteered to take back the night duty of course). Bo sure felt bad when he was greeted by Liam’s adorable face later that morning, apologized to his son, and then told his mom how her actions did affected the night indirectly. I wished we didn’t have to go through that episode but at least through that, the Bo was more aware of how important being consistent to the routine was.  :p  On my part, I decided that I wouldn’t go out and leave Liam in the hands of someone who couldn’t follow my routine. At least not for now.

It was only after 2 days that I managed to get back into the swing of the routine. And with much blessing, yesterday was the first night Liam “slept through” managing only one feed at 4.15am after his 10:30/11:30 dream feed. Hooray! This morning, lunchtime & afternoon nap have also been good so far, with the little one actually waking on the spot and waiting patiently for me to pick him up for his feed. :)

I actually have 2 proper naps without interruptions today!

And so begins my groundhog days with the little one. Well, at least I know when to allocate time for online shopping, internet surfing & blogging ;p

Just when ambitious mama here thought that I was out of the woods with the whole milk supply mambo and could move on to tweaking his routine…

Spoke too soon!

It all started few days into the 3rd week on a particular evening feed when regardless how long he was on the boob(s), it just wasn’t enough to satisfy the little man. One moment his eye lids would be batting heavily as they usually would after a good feed, and the next he would just snap out of it and fuss around in grouchiness.

Initially it didn’t occur to me that he might still be hungry considering how he almost emptied the boobie tank. Hence I would try to burp him, change a diaper, sing a song and even pat him – anything to soothe the little one – but that jut led to an even more unhappy little bub. I then noticed he was rooting a lot which was strange for someone who just had his feed and so I assumed that perhaps he wanted a comfort suckle…which did the trick but even that was short-lived the moment I attempted to put him back in the cot. I ended up  latching him on and on, in hopes of tiring him out to a sleep (that was the only solution that came to mind at that point) but even doing so made me feel guilty, knowing that I hadn’t got to the root of the problem.

The entire fussing episode started to wear me out. Didn’t help that whenever the mil came into the room and saw that her grandson was still latching, she would say “still feeding?” or (to her grandson) “you didn’t have enough to drink?”

In my desperation to get the overtired little man to sleep, I finally offered a bottle of formula to supplement and suddenly everything was back to clockwork; I could burp without a struggle, he would wind down on his own before falling asleep.

I concluded that my milk production was probably lower in the evening and wasn’t replenishing as quickly, even with the whole demand & supply thing. Perhaps my milk system worked differently. I was frustrated of course. Here I was, affirmed that milk supply had kicked in as a result of successful breastfeeding in the 2nd week and then suddenly it wasn’t working out?

My initial plan was to introduce the bottle after 6 weeks to avoid any nipple confusion but with Liam’s erractic behavior, I couldn’t cope. Plus I was in serious need of rest to get my body & brain functioning optimally. I decided to pass the next feed aka. 10.30pm/11.30pm dream feed to the husband so that he could also participate in the feeding (which turned out to be a good thing because he really enjoyed the bonding apart from just being able to do diaper changes) while I caught up on sleep before waking up for the wee hour duties.

Turns out that the little one was having quite the growth spurt. With the sole formula feed from the husband, we realized that he was taking in about 100 – 120ml per feed. And because I was latching exclusively, it was tough to measure my output/liam’s input. Hence I decided to express for that feed (which was replaced with the fm) and as we found out, I was supplying 70-80ml of ebm on the average per feed vs. our little man’s appetite of 100-120ml! No wonder he kept fussing around and wanting to latch on endlessly.

With the formula to supplement his night feed, Liam was also contented to sleep for a good 4-5 hours (good for mommy to catch up on some much needed rest). He was also able to latch on without any issues for subsequent dream feeds through the night, which was great.

Till a few days later…

The little one started getting testy after an afternoon feed and again it seemed that latching on for a good 40 minutes wasn’t enough. And when his patience on wore off, he started struggling & burst into tears to show how unhappy he was. Again I tried to soothe him by burping, cuddling and even doing a diaper change to no avail. I finally shove a bottle of fm into his mouth and almost instantly, all was calm. Oh my, was I really depriving the little one of his meal?

The reality of not being able to satisfy him solely and needing to introduce more than a bottle of fm/day did make me feel inadequate as a mom. My determination to do total breastfeeding wasn’t working out as well as I had anticipated and I was getting affected.

But as soon as I saw the contented look and smile on his face from the additional 10-20ml supplement, it made me put aside my ego of not being able to do total breastfeeding and accept that as long as Liam was happy, getting enough nutrients be it through bm or through fm and was growing well, that was all that mattered.

And with a happier Liam, I started being one happy mama again, reserving my energy for play time and happy vibes instead of getting frustrated over the lack of milk.

The LO has also been able to nicely settle back into his own routine again with the new arrangement, which is helping me heaps in making tweaks to his routine and predict his next move/want/need, while getting some me-time to get a pedi or hair done in between.

Will I still breastfeed whenever possible? Definitely so, although I am now more open to supplementing if need be. The husband has been & still is extremely supportive of my breastfeeding intentions though he reminds me not to be too hard on myself (i.e.: sore nipples from over-expressing).

Was I being over-ambitious hoping to attempt both breastfeeding and setting a routine at the same time on my 3 week old bub? Probably so. But if it has been done before, it is therefore achievable albeit lots of dedication and commitment. For now, I will have to work on establishing more milk supply first.

As parents, we all want (to give) the best for our bubs but what I learnt from this week is that a little flexibility goes a long way. And happy mama beats stressed up mama anytime!!!

{my little sleeping dragon @ 18 days old}

And so both Liam & I rolled into the 2nd week of getting to know each other

Still feeling blah that my milk supply wasn’t in full throttle yet and heavily relying on the nursing supplementer feeder (which helped heaps in encouraging more suckling = stimulation & filling up that tiny tummy though), feeding sessions especially night ones became such dreaded affairs. Using the feeder meant that while Liam was latching for the first 15min, someone else had to prepare the milk, pour it into the feeder, attach it to my boob before Liam was able to suckle part 2 of his feed.

With the husband needing to be back at work full-time, we could no longer tag team for feeds. The Bo did improvise a system where I was able to handle the feeder on my own but even then doing it alone, especially in the dead of the night at 2am and 5am was no fun. And though it was great that Liam was waking up in blocks of 3 to 4 hours between each feed, with the feeder, each session would last about 50 minutes (burp, nappy change, cuddle inclusive). By the time I hit the sheets, it would be a 2 hour or less countdown till the next feed. It was undoubtedly physically & mentally exhausting. And though I was willing to sacrifice sleep for my son, passing each day feeling all zonked and zapped of energy by noon was making me feel lousy.

I needed to improve things.

I spoke to some girlfriends whom I knew had been through similar cycles just some months earlier. Encouraged by their journeys (with some only having their milk supply kick in after the 2nd month), I got another lactation consultant in for a house visit and was elated to hear that apart from latching liam correctly, my milk supply was almost 100% established as we did massages & feeding exercises. Yay!!! News that I’ve been waiting to hear!

Later that afternoon during my first post-natal massage, my masseur also mentioned that my milk was flowing out pretty well as she did a boobie massage using warm compress. Milk was spraying out at one point and oh boy, I nearly wanted to catch every precious drop of it! It was liberating!

As I breastfed Liam exclusively for the next few feeds, it made me smile seeing my contented little bub giving his orgasmic ‘high-on-mama’s-milk’ look of satisfaction before settling down for a nap or wind down time without any fuss. I was one happy mama and that definitely attributed to a happy bubba.

Other highlights of the week: lovely visitors coming by with cakes, their humor & love;  massage sessions which allowed me to recharge & some quality me-time  in between liam’s naps to catch up on the things I enjoy (such as this post). Amazing how a little breather from the mama-newborn routine did wonders for my soul!

There were the occasional evening fusses here & there from the little man in between, but nothing a cuddle or suckle couldn’t fix. There were also definitely days when I told the Bo i didn’t mind going to work in his place :p, but by the end of the 2nd week I was happy with the report card. Our little one had gained 400g and his mild jaundice was significantly reduced. Hearing that he was growing well on track by the pediatrician was gold!

{cheeky monkey}

{a penny for your pout?}

{trip to the pd}

{sunning the jaundice away}